An Attempt at Focus

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late one night i held my knife to my chest
for five minutes i laid in bed
just one light press...
it'd be nice to get some rest
but the phone won't stop ringing
fuckin' social butterflies want me to go to some thing and
i just wanna disappear
cuz they can't offer me anything
your attempts at comfort just piss me off more than anything
cuz you want something from me
in return and i don't have it
i can't help that you seem to have formed this connection with adam
adam's not home
he took the cash and he ran
i'm sure he's happy wherever he is
he practically danced
out of my body
like a demon
my name is hollow shell
would you like to test my limits of tolerance now or are you still
too enamored to have some common sense?
i attempt to stand up and get off the bed and drop the shiv
this is just fucking nuts.
Have one rational thought you dumbass don't fucking cut
your way out of the situation.
what a selfish stupid impulse
cowardly courage that won't come
hell is too suspenseful
...or not suspenseful enough
predictable so much i know how it ends from the front
i discovered at a young age that this was the curse
but it never got better in fact it's been getting much worse
it's cuz i'm clever
and don't confuse that for arrogance
that's a goddamn fact
and i only use it for self-defense
actually i am arrogant
but don't confuse that for merriment
hating the person i've become
is just so good for your stereos
it's catchier when it's sad, right?
so you can identify with how i feel
in the tunnel i'll be your flashlight
aw, maybe i just need to get fucked
need a cunt, oh...
"that's gonna make people uncomfortable"
the word cunt? well...
how about pussy when i use it to describe you?
you pussy scared of language
how the fuck else can i fight dude?!
i'm not tough
and i don't own a gun
and while we're on the subject, who in the fuck wants a gun?!
the most powerful weapon that any pussy can shoot
i guess it makes you feel safe
knowing the playing field's been leveled for you
no skill is required
to perform these basic tasks
and you're NOT pissed off?
how fuckin' crazy is that?
half of me desperately wants to see the good in people
and the other half is laughing hysterically
at how this world is see-through
i'm dying to hold on to my humanity
for real
i don't want to be the villain here i can't stand to be
and i hear that
some men just wanna watch the world burn
and i'm afraid i'm one of them
but no i don't like violence
i'm just not surprised by it
so i guess i'm just frustrated when people
don't see what's in front of them
i need to run real quick.

i was running across the lawn
and i saw someone waving from across the pond
said to myself it's just in my head
but i had to go back and see it again
it's like no matter how i try i can't leave it alone
cuz i'm sure someday they're gonna need me i know
so i keep on looking just running in place
should i go or should i stay?

okay i'm back
i just feel like my rant was getting too unfocused
so let me rope it in and try to hold it closer
been holdin' on so long i'm getting ropeburns
i screamed for help for awhile
but then my throat hurt
use the word "loner"
because it helps to justify it
and writing this i'm nervous
someone's gonna fuckin' try to
untie it
i won't subscribe to that diet
stop tryin' to make me healthier
i don't need your concern
you can have your high moral fiber
i'm gonna eat my desert
i'll have taco bell with chocolate milk
yeah throw in some greens and herbs
it's called balance which you have none of
but i practice every moment
so good luck catchin yourself
when I kick your pedestal over
and I'm tired of gettin shit
for kickin' shit over
this is my rant for anyone who sees a mirror in my photo
this is a snapshot of a rash moment snapped for no reason,
i'll be the mascot for the bad thoughts you'd rather deleted.
i'm fully aware that the world is falling to pieces
all i ever wanted was a girl to share the grief with
to stand with me
by my side and watch it burn
but she's gotta be incredibly smart
and hot in turn
is that shallow?
wow, i thought it was deep
but if we're in the circle of trust
it'd be a goddamn relief
i want a smart blonde
to give me carte blanche
with my hard-ons
and afterwards we could argue about art and so on
is that so wrong?
oh god
maybe i'm better off as i am
maybe a belle to the beast
would end up crushed in my hands
i just need something to break before i do
i just need someone to say that everything'll be fine dude
okay...attempt at focus
this is just a single photo
now onto slide 2.

keep the projector on!


from Oh! What a Miracle! [LP] (2011), released September 1, 2011
Lyrics by p-teK (ASCAP).
Produced by Samlive.
Mixed by Krang.
Recorded at Claw's Castle at Austin, TX.
All rights reserved.


all rights reserved


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